4/4/2005 BREAST CANCER....Shit gets REAL ~ Random day in July 2013 BRCA POSITIVE .....the story keeps unfolding.......

I started this blog that very first day. Once upon a time I couldn't get through a day without cancer on my frontal lobe.  Then you get to that magical "5 years out" date.  At that time parts of your life that you used to know have come back around and cancer is not the subject of every thought.  It's still on the brain of course but you start to feel like deeper breaths might be possible.  What started out as a way to inform everyone who cared about me had now become a place where I could talk about fun things in my life and to reflect on how a serious diagnosis changes your way of being. There were even a few years that I got so busy living and enjoying life that I didn't bother writing here anymore.  Other forms of social media had become the norm for sharing so like most everyone else I moved on to that platform.  For those that may be reading this for the first time or have no idea of my history or forgot how it all really happened because it's been so long, here's a synopsis of how it all went down.......

~Fall of 2004, told my family doctor that I felt a weird pain on my upper left breast, it wasn't too long before that I had a mammogram and all appeared normal. Breast exam was given and I was told that everything seemed fine.

~Winter 2005, back to the Doc because the pain was still there and just didn't seem right. Even though I didn't feel an actual lump I KNEW something was wrong. Doc checked again, said that it might be a cyst and tried to aspirate it. Nothing happened because there was no cyst.  Definitely feeling that something was wrong I asked to have another mammogram.  Doc ordered one.  My exact words were, "You need to make me feel better about this because I don't have a good feeling." Doc said that if the mammogram showed nothing he would order an ultrasound.  Great, I was all for it.

~Had an ultrasound and there it was, tumor, not a cyst.  End of March there was a biopsy.....4/4/2005, Triple Negative Breast Cancer. Chemotherapy and Radiation. I was 38 years old.

~2005 - 2009 Dealt with a plethora of side effects but kept on keepin' on...

~2010 I finally felt strong again and more like my self before cancer showed up, a few years went by, just livin' the dream...

~2013 Breast surgeon thinks I should consider gene testing.  Not an easy decision but decision made knowing the results may not be something desirable. They weren't, so first there was an oophorectomy (bye bye ovaries)  and a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction.

~Reconstruction was basically a nightmare as I ended up with a serious staph infection which took me down worse than chemo ever did.  As a result one of my skin expanders had to be removed.  It was eventually replaced many months later.  The expanding of my breast skin began as I had the expanders filled every couple of weeks and was on my way to getting implants.  Then the other expander deflated. Another setback as that needed to be replaced then too.  More time passed as I dealt with the healing and trying to live in what felt like a somewhat mangled body.

~2015 FINALLY I'm finished expanding my skin and implants are placed.  Come September of this year they have been in me for 3 years, and honestly most days they still feel like they are ON me.

~TODAY and the truth is EVERY day I ache and my skin feels like it's strangling me.  Anyone who has dealt with this or ANY kind of health issue that results in chronic pain knows what I mean and I'm betting that is most of the people reading this.  But even so my heart beats and my lungs fill with air. I have a a ton of love in my life and feel fortunate in so many ways.  In my mind the cancer part of my story ends here.  There are new stories to be told.  So I hope you'll continue to play a part in my story!  I'm already working on the next chapter....... XOXOXO .....love, Tana