Back to the Rodeo.....cuz' it ain't my first one.  Just how many rodeos I'll attend on this journey remains to be seen.  My blog began with a triple negative breast cancer diagnosis in 2005. My story is 18 years in the making.  It's been a pretty wild ride with it's fair share of bumps in the road. 

If you've been following this story you know I've had discomfort for some time now. I finally got around to tackling it.  Back in my 2018 entry I mention this chronic pain. Believe me I do/have done all the things that I hoped would make me feel better. That's when the mindf*ck comes front and center again.  It goes like this....I guess I'm back to surgery...then all the memories of the surgeries I've had, twice as many as I should have had, come back...then I put it off until I have time to really think it through...then something else in life comes along... so the focus shifts and I just deal with it....keep on keepin' on.  

I've come to a place where I couldn't wait any longer, something had to change.  When I would bring this up at my yearly check ups the outcome was always the same.  I would get the shoulder shrug from my Docs.  "You've been radiated." Which in medical speak means "You're screwed." And if I heard it once I heard it a bajillion times, "radiation is the gift that keeps on giving." "Also you've had a staph infection there, your skin is extremely thin in that area." Translation "Double screwed."  So along with not really wanting to deal with it all there was a hopelessness accompanying it.

I found new doctors that gave me hope.  This is not to say that my previous Docs weren't good to me. But I realized that their part in my story is over and it's time to move on.

On friday 2/24 I went to Christiana hospital and was operated on by Dr. Stephanie Caterson. The procedure: Left breast reconstruction revision with a capsulorrhapy for implant pocket reshaping, capsulotomy and implant exchange, right breast reconstruction revision with implant exchange.

AKA a Titty Tune Up. That's the best way I know how to describe it.  The hopes are that the strangling/pulling sensation that I felt so intensely will get some relief.  In surgery scar tissue was removed to help. My left sided needed the most tuning up. This is the side that had cancer and suffered the most trauma. My right side didn't necessarily need anything, but implants aren't built to last forever.  Eventually the right one would need switched too so to keep the surgeries to a minimum I opted to have them both switched out now. Because again...how many rodeos will it take? I did come out of surgery with NO DRAINS and that was the best news to hear.  I can't express how grateful I am not to deal with those again.  

Circling back I'm cancer free! So that trumps all this bullshit.  I have a follow up appointment this week, I'll update here. 

For those that have followed all these years, thank you! I love you! If you're reading for the first time, you've learned something about me. Thanks for being here. Yeehaw! Welcome to my Rodeo. 

With Much Love,

Tana

  

Another year where.......

.......my heart still beats, my lungs fill with air and I'm still here!  Again I'm a year and a half out from my last post and so much has happened since then.  Still livin the dream by the ocean and traveling as much as possible.  I guess that's why I don't sit down and write on here as much anymore.  There's so much life going on out there and I want to be part of it! Maybe it's because this blog started with cancer and was meant to share details of my cancer story, treatment and recovery.  I have shared life beyond those things but for whatever reason, this isn't the place where I share as much of my life anymore.  Because I'm too busy living it I suppose.  But it is the month of Pink and I was just interviewed for another Podcast. I realize that my story could impact someone in a positive way, so I came here to share the latest survivor photos.  Still kickin' cancers ass.  Along with all my survivor sisters, my real life survivor sister and my bff survivor sister in the pics below.  Another year and a big F YOU to cancer.

4/4/2005 BREAST CANCER....Shit gets REAL ~ Random day in July 2013 BRCA POSITIVE .....the story keeps unfolding.......

I started this blog that very first day. Once upon a time I couldn't get through a day without cancer on my frontal lobe.  Then you get to that magical "5 years out" date.  At that time parts of your life that you used to know have come back around and cancer is not the subject of every thought.  It's still on the brain of course but you start to feel like deeper breaths might be possible.  What started out as a way to inform everyone who cared about me had now become a place where I could talk about fun things in my life and to reflect on how a serious diagnosis changes your way of being. There were even a few years that I got so busy living and enjoying life that I didn't bother writing here anymore.  Other forms of social media had become the norm for sharing so like most everyone else I moved on to that platform.  For those that may be reading this for the first time or have no idea of my history or forgot how it all really happened because it's been so long, here's a synopsis of how it all went down.......

~Fall of 2004, told my family doctor that I felt a weird pain on my upper left breast, it wasn't too long before that I had a mammogram and all appeared normal. Breast exam was given and I was told that everything seemed fine.

~Winter 2005, back to the Doc because the pain was still there and just didn't seem right. Even though I didn't feel an actual lump I KNEW something was wrong. Doc checked again, said that it might be a cyst and tried to aspirate it. Nothing happened because there was no cyst.  Definitely feeling that something was wrong I asked to have another mammogram.  Doc ordered one.  My exact words were, "You need to make me feel better about this because I don't have a good feeling." Doc said that if the mammogram showed nothing he would order an ultrasound.  Great, I was all for it.

~Had an ultrasound and there it was, tumor, not a cyst.  End of March there was a biopsy.....4/4/2005, Triple Negative Breast Cancer. Chemotherapy and Radiation. I was 38 years old.

~2005 - 2009 Dealt with a plethora of side effects but kept on keepin' on...

~2010 I finally felt strong again and more like my self before cancer showed up, a few years went by, just livin' the dream...

~2013 Breast surgeon thinks I should consider gene testing.  Not an easy decision but decision made knowing the results may not be something desirable. They weren't, so first there was an oophorectomy (bye bye ovaries)  and a double mastectomy with immediate reconstruction.

~Reconstruction was basically a nightmare as I ended up with a serious staph infection which took me down worse than chemo ever did.  As a result one of my skin expanders had to be removed.  It was eventually replaced many months later.  The expanding of my breast skin began as I had the expanders filled every couple of weeks and was on my way to getting implants.  Then the other expander deflated. Another setback as that needed to be replaced then too.  More time passed as I dealt with the healing and trying to live in what felt like a somewhat mangled body.

~2015 FINALLY I'm finished expanding my skin and implants are placed.  Come September of this year they have been in me for 3 years, and honestly most days they still feel like they are ON me.

~TODAY and the truth is EVERY day I ache and my skin feels like it's strangling me.  Anyone who has dealt with this or ANY kind of health issue that results in chronic pain knows what I mean and I'm betting that is most of the people reading this.  But even so my heart beats and my lungs fill with air. I have a a ton of love in my life and feel fortunate in so many ways.  In my mind the cancer part of my story ends here.  There are new stories to be told.  So I hope you'll continue to play a part in my story!  I'm already working on the next chapter....... XOXOXO .....love, Tana

April 2016 - February 2018 in pictures

 

It's been just shy of 2 years since I've written on this blog.  I don't know why for sure except to say that life is busy and beautiful with highs and lows, fun and tears, just like your life! So much has happened and there's no way to catch up with words so I'll do it with pictures of moments that bring back memories for me. There are many other memories, of places and people, family and friends, travels and music than I could put on here but these make my heart smile. Pics include coastal life at home, teaching on the beach, paddle boarding at Assateague and fires on the beach.  Teaching in my hometown and many wonderful trips!  Annapolis, Boulder, Key West, New York City, Jamaica, Charleston, Philly, Cape May, Phoenix, Costa Rica, North Captiva, Siesta Key... beyond blessed to be able to travel and........... Music!!! Lots of it and there's only a few pics of all the music we've seen since then.  One of my saddest moments was losing my Aunt Lois. She was an awesome, funny and loving spirit who has a piece of my heart forever. I've been in writing mode lately so my hope is to write more here. There's always hope, haha! But until that happens, here's just a peek at the last 2 years in random pictures in no particular order.  Maybe this will have you scroll through some pictures of your own from the last year or so. Pictures evoke emotion of memories made.  Enjoy making your memories!