BOO!

Wow what a nice Fall day! 68 degrees, clear blue skies it was just lovely. I'm getting my October post in just in the nick of time. I was going to post this afternoon but from my view of the day you can see why I was drawn outside instead.

This month was great! Early on we took the ferry to Cape May, it was an adventure for us and for Jet and we visited our friends (M & E) which made it extra nice. Then in honor of this, Breast Cancer Awareness month, one of my best friends held a benefit which was super cool and fun and was a good thing in more ways than one, thank you Melissa. And speaking of best friends, I visited mine from High School in Colorado, I just got back. The weather there was the same as my description of today. I had a really great time and the hospitality from my friends was as awesome as the mountains they live by. Thanks K & B. Now it's all Hallow's Eve and I am totally lame. No costume or anything Halloweeny this year, except for the pumpkins on my porch. They're not carved but at least they're there.

So I had my mammogram right before I left. And it was the hardest one I've been through since I've been out of treatment. After getting my first group of pictures and going back to the waiting room, I was called back in for another view of my left breast which is where my tumor was. After taking another picture I waited again. I was then called to come back to have an ultrasound and it was at that time that I thought I was going to vomit. Since I have been out of treatment I have felt so strong and getting stronger all the time. Physically and emotionally. But that one moment showed me that I am not at all as prepared as I thought I would be if I ever had to hear that bad news again. When the radiologist called me in to discuss the films, I was silent. When he told me that everything was going to be ok, I lost it. I broke down crying, it totally overcame me. For fleeting second as I sobbed, I thought of how this must feel to the doctor to have to give all sorts of news to their patients, many times not good news. Isn't that odd that I would think of that? But the really excellent news is that everything is ok! He explained the films to me and the reasons why he was initially concerned, but the ultrasound helped determine that it was only my scar they were seeing. So I cried tears of Joy and relief.
I have to face it, that I will confront this same sort of anxiety when I approach each test. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to let my guard down completely. But after getting the good news from that day I couldn't have enjoyed my Colorado trip any more. Karah and I did lots of yoga. That was perfect. When I was talking to the presenter of the workshop and he asked me about going through chemo and how my practice played a part in that, I told him that it was just as important to my well being as the support from my husband, family and friends. I think yoga teachers in general are givers and tend to put others needs before their own. I must say that by keeping up with my practice while going through therapy, it was teaching me what I already know. Listen to your inner teacher. Slow down, accept help, take the time to heal. It's when you take the time to take care of yourself that you can actually be the giver who has something to give!

Happy Halloween.